I have learned that nothing lasts forever…
It took quite some time to acknowledge this, but with the time I needed, I came to realize that nothing really lasts forever. Whether it was a situation, an emotion, some friendships maybe or even a state of mind. I learned that we can have expectations of how we’d like things to end up, but we can’t really attach our hopes indefinitely to those expectations. So yes, change does take place, and the sooner you acknowledge this the more accepting you become and the less you approach it with denial and resistance.
I approached change many times with resistance and it became overtiring and overwhelming. I resisted accepting changes in my thoughts, in my beliefs and in my relationships. Then, when I started acknowledging that change is inevitable; I denied it, I fought it, and also tried to change it – to REVERSE CHANGE. Well, Impossible…
So, it is okay that it takes time to understand your emotions, to accept them, and to decide how to deal with them. At times you understand how you feel but you are not willing to do anything about it. You just want to bypass those emotions and continue doing what you are doing – what you do best, DETACH. You either avoid them or you try to overcompensate to fix what is going on. Both ways, you are compromising at the expense of your own personal needs. At times we do this because we think the loss might be too big for our minds and heart to tolerate and accept or because we do not want to deal with conflict or CHANGE. And Change, comes with loss most of the time. You may gain as well, but loss is always involved. When you change jobs, when you get promoted, when you move to a new country, when you get married, when you have a child…there is always something essential you are winning but there is definitely something valuable that you are losing. Let yourself experience the loss, process it, and find a way to compensate for it.
Sometimes we avoid change because we are afraid of conflict; we think that conflict will lead to destruction which will be detrimental and unbearable. Sometimes we think wrong… and that’s okay.
For us to move on and accept change instead of resisting it; there are few things to keep in mind. Of those things, you need to remind yourself that change is inevitable. It is the one thing that is constant and the one thing that you cannot and will not be able to run away from no matter how hard you try. Change is scary – in your mind most of the times – but not always in the larger scope of things. Change is inevitable and it is the only thing that is stable in life. Change in your thoughts, your emotions, your preferences, your tolerance, your pain, your perceptions, your convictions, your beliefs and your coping mechanisms.
Change to external things around us is sometimes only a reflection of the change that already happened within us. What happens on the inside creates a drive for us to change our direction, to shift gears and to move forward. At other times, change comes out of the blue, all of the sudden, without any prior notice/sign/or preparation. This is not the real challenge, this is just the event that will create the change that needed to happen, or was forced on you; and then comes the work…
Embrace it, don’t fight it. If it makes you angry, then allow yourself to feel the anger but let it happen. Allow the change to take place and have faith in the process and that it will get you to the place/state of mind/emotion that you need. Allow it to take place, to shape you/mold you and make you what you need to be.
“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.” – Alan Watts